Anxiety and Gratitude

So I’ve been a tad overwhelmed at everything running through my head the last few days. I just got back from the Makerie retreat where I got to spend time with loads of fabulous creative people. I renewed connections and built new friendships. I relished spending a weekend engrossed in creativity and felt privileged to be surrounded by amazing talent everywhere. I will write about the inspiring words I heard from the teachers at The Makerie and about what I created there, soon. I’ve realized, though, that creative retreats are not exactly relaxing for me. I become energized, almost frenetically so.

I think I get creatively over-stimulated–so many new ideas, so many possibilities. I woke up this morning, my entire being spinning and churning–sick and filled with anxiety. Sometimes this happens to me. I am almost debilitated for the day. I’m never sure where these anxiety-ridden days come from. Today was a day just like any other. It makes me wonder: Is the anxiety because of all the posts on my docket? Is it over getting my regular work done? Or, is it anxiety that my dreams may actually come true. Or, worse, anxiety that they may not? I was thinking it was one of those days that is best put behind me by going to bed as early as possible, when . . . .

things changed. After picking up my kids today, we headed to an appointment for Charlie. I was in the waiting room knitting while Allie read to me and Baillie giggled at Calvin & Hobbes–a completely mundane scene, but it gave me a rush of relief. I took a long, deep breath. Was it the knitting? Was it the every day-ness of it all? At that moment, I felt simply grateful. I am grateful for my family, for my blog, for the creative lovely people I spent the weekend with. And, most of all, I am grateful for the growing creative being that is expanding and exploding in me every day.

As if to confirm my sense of peace, I got the most marvelous email from a reader today that suffers from Alzheimer’s. She cannot hold anything small due to nerve disease and she struggles with simple tasks. She recently saw the finger-knitting tutorial and the woven finger-knit rug and thought . . . I can do that. She expressed grateful thanks and kind words, explaining how difficult it was for her, but how the process helped her cognitively and mentally, as well. I am inspired by her perseverance and work and the aid of those in her community to help her accomplish her goal. Congratulations Robin, your rug is beautiful and imbued with the love and effort and care you put in to it. To know that there are those out there benefiting from and enjoying the work I do and the ideas I provide fills me to the brim with gratitude and peace. Thank you all.